My first Ayahuasca Ceremony

On the full moon of November 2024, I participated in a forest medicine ceremony: "Ayahuasca," in the Bugigão indigenous village. This village is located on an indigenous territory of the Pataxó people, in southern Bahia, Brazil.

Today I'm going to share this experience with you.

The story before the story

I arrived in Porto Seguro in September 2024. I always feel a very strong energy in Porto Seguro because it was the place where the Portuguese arrived in “Pindorama” and transformed it into Brazil.

The Porto Seguro city hall slogan itself says: "Brazil was born here."

I spent a month living in downtown Porto Seguro with my partner Lucas, until Denis, an artisan friend told us about a place called “Caraíva”. He didn't give us much information about the place, but he said we would like it and that it would be good for our work as artisans.

Caraíva is a village in the Porto Seguro district, but to get there, you need to travel three hours by bus along a dirt road to Nova Caraíva, and then cross the Caraíva River by canoe.

The Caraíva River is stunningly beautiful and dances beautifully with the sea. When the tide is low, all you see is the river, freshwater, with dark colors. But when the tide comes in, the river fills with saltwater, transforming the landscape with turquoise blue shades.

A true hidden paradise.

Sunset at Caraíva River

The blue shades of the sea invade the Caraíva River

Another thing that sets Caraíva apart from other places is that none of the streets are paved, nor are there even sidewalks; the ground is entirely sand.

The day we arrived, we crossed by canoe and explored the “vila” (which is like the "downtown" of Caraíva, where the inns and restaurants are located) and walked to Xandó, an Indigenous village that experienced a boom in house construction during the pandemic, and today, it's possible to find people from various parts of Brazil living there, renting houses from the indigenous people or even buying lands.

Being in Indigenous territory was a surprise for me. I was expecting to go to a place where I could sell my art on the beach, but I got much more than that.

We walked through the sand until we reached the house of Tiago and Irene, a Brazilian and a Bolivian who were hosting our friend, and they allowed us to pitch our tent in their backyard.​

Irene is an Indigenous Aymara, and during the time I spent with her, she taught me a lot about Indigenous culture, about Abya Yala, and showed me different ways of seeing the world.

We arrived on a Wednesday; the October Ayahuasca ceremony was scheduled for Saturday.

We were invited, but we chose not to participate. Firstly, because it requires a week of preparation without eating red meat or drinking alcohol, and also because we felt it wasn't the right time yet.

​The right time came a month later: a month of living in the indigenous village, a month of learning.

sunset at the backyard

The Ceremony

The night of the ceremony was a full moon.

We left Xandó village and headed to the Bugigão village with a friend who picked us up at our house. We walked a bit and soon arrived at the hut: a round lodge with a hole in the middle, where a large fire was burning.

picture taken o morning after the Ayahuasca ceremony

Around the fire, but under the protection of the lodge, everyone spread out their sarong, mat, or even mattress. The men were on one side and the women on the other.

I stayed on the women’s side with Irene, and Lucas went with Tiago to the men's side.

We arrived well in advance, so we took the opportunity to get some sleep.

At the appointed time, the Pajé (shaman) woke everyone with his cheerful voice and began the ceremony with words of wisdom. Other men he invited also shared some words to encourage and reassure the ceremony participants.

Then everyone was invited to take a small cup of medicine and a piece of fruit and stand around the fire.

After a few more words from the shaman, we all drank the ayahuasca at the same time and silently returned to our seats.

The drink had a very strong taste, and I confess I had certain expectations about its effects, but I welcomed it into my body with an open heart.

I lay down and fell asleep again.

When I woke up, three men were playing lively traditional indigenous music. One played the drum, another the maracá, and another played the guitar and sang loudly with a powerful voice.

My body naturally wanted to dance, but I was ashamed.

This simple sentence sums up the clarity that Ayahuasca brought me.

Then I remembered the shaman's words: "Don't come take the medicine with guilt, don't come take the medicine with fear, this medicine is pure joy!"

And since I know that infinite joy resides within me, I couldn't help but smile at this thought and let things flow. This was one of the teachings of the night.

The most interesting thing about everything I experienced that night is that I didn't discover anything new. I didn't have any "revelations." Everything that was shown to me, I had already experienced in my life in other ways.

What happened that night was that I was able to experience this knowledge in a different way, in a new state of consciousness.

It is as if that particular night, filled with magnificent visions—which I not only saw in multiple dimensions but also felt in every part of my body—had been a film of everything I'd experienced over the many years of my journey of self-discovery.

As soon as I gathered courage, I got up and began dancing beside my blanket, my feet in the sand. I simply moved my body from side to side in time with the music, lifting my feet but staying in place.

Something inside me was urging me to go to the center, closer to the fire, but the mental dialogue (my shadow) told me: "There's no one in the center; there's only one Indigenous woman; she's more worthy than me of being in the center dancing; how am I—a white woman—going to dance Indigenous music in the middle of the circle? Who do I think I am?"

I took a deep breath and observed this mental dialogue with awareness, compassion, and great love. I was there, present with myself.

I walked to the center and let it flow.

As I said, it was a night of experiencing letting go, without resistance.

I danced and danced, and as I danced, I didn't care about the rhythm or how my figure looked. It was essential to the dance that I forget my identity and the shape of my body. It was essential to forget who was playing the music. It was essential not to care about how others see me.

How others see me — what a big question and what a silly question at the same time.

As I danced, I could clearly see this pattern, this worry I'm choosing to leave behind, and I could see the open and obvious path to leave it behind.

Breathing deeply, I felt Oneness.

Whenever I'm in heightened states of consciousness (often achieved through conscious breathing), I'm brought to this feeling of oneness; it's like maximum expansion, it's the pure Joy of Spirit.

I felt ONE with every being around me, with the music, with the fire, and with the sacred ground I had the honor to stand on.

I was then able to distinguish honor from shame.

I realized that I was often ashamed of my white appearance, of my European features, of the past, of what white people did to other populations throughout history, and of the racism that still exists today. Every new place I visited, I felt inferior, as if I were invading a space that wasn't mine, and I felt this way too in Caraíva.

I openly express this in this article because it's the most truthful and sincere thing I can do.

When I felt Oneness, this feeling of inferiority disappeared. A voice told me: "You are welcome, wherever you go, you are welcome. And most importantly, you are welcome here."

This voice brought me freedom, and I danced until I was exhausted.

Then I lay down again, feeling my body, feeling my presence.

And I realized that the strongest effects had already passed, since as soon as I woke up, before dancing, I had vomited the drink.

I hadn't eaten since lunch, so there was nothing left to vomit, which made for a tranquil ceremony.

I looked up at the sky and saw the moonlight shining behind the clouds.

The shaman passed by, offering a second dose "to whoever felt it in their heart."

I felt like I wanted to, but soon the mental precautions started telling me that it was my first time, that I should be more cautious, that it wouldn't be appropriate for this or that reason. And then, once again, the presence, the awareness observing everything in its neutral state, made me realize that yes, I felt in my heart that I wanted it, and that was enough.

I got up and went for the second dose.

Even though the psychedelic effects of Ayahuasca weren't as strong, I returned to the center to dance for a while longer, until my body told me to sit down.

I sat down, feeling uncomfortable all over and a strong urge to vomit. So I vomited up the drink and also the fruit I had eaten.

Even so, the discomfort didn't go away.

I tried to lie down, but my body vibrated, and it was almost painful to close my eyes.

I don't remember exactly what happened, but I remember that at some point, sitting on my blanket, I had beautiful visions.

I closed my eyes and focused on the singing voice and the music playing, and just like that, all reality around me seemed to dissolve, everything reduced to vibration.

For a few brief seconds, I contemplated this vibrational reality, but the sensation was so strong that I had to open my eyes again.

I also remember sometimes looking at Irene, who was sleeping peacefully, and seeing her face like that of an innocent child, as if she were another person.

Even I felt like a different person; I felt like many different people. I could see and feel these other people, knowing they were different versions of me.

At one point, while sitting, I held both my hands in an attempt to calm and relax, and when I looked at them, it was as if they were a man's hands. I was even startled when I first looked, then found it a little funny, and then I felt the union of feminine and masculine energies. It was as if the masculine and feminine within me were embracing. I kissed my hands, brought them close to my face and heart, and love flowed effortlessly from me.

Another time, I got up to go into the woods to pee, and I crouched down in the squatting position. When I looked at my feet, I saw children's feet, and I felt like a small, innocent child in the woods. It was so delicious to feel it; I looked around, feeling like that child. And at the same time, the Ayahuasca connected me with every plant and tree around me. I was so immersed in my trance that I didn't even notice when a guardian stood behind me. I looked at her and saw an energy of love, of care, and smiled again. Intuitively, I went with her to my blanket, where she knew I would be safe.

I sat there, absorbing the experience, and began to feel a deep sense of unease.

I wanted to vomit, but there was nothing left in my stomach. As I struggled to vomit, I cursed having taken the second dose; I hated feeling those horrible sensations.

Once again, I remembered non-resistance, and despite the discomfort, I let my seated body move to the rhythm of the music, while a natural smile spread across my face.

A new lesson had come to me, about the purpose of Ayahuasca, and a new attitude to have in life. My body felt uncomfortable, but I was still dancing and smiling. I learned that I can choose joy even when everything doesn't seem so good. It's about dancing the dance of life.

Again, I clarify here: this wasn't new; I already know how to smile in the midst of adversity, but being there that night intensified my wisdom, it helped me incorporate this wisdom into my physical body and into human life.

Sitting, swaying, I looked at the full moon emerging from its hiding place among the clouds. It was as if it were there, right in front of me, and not thousands of miles away.

The distance between "me" and the universe disappeared. All dimensions were available to me.

It was such a grand sensation that I felt like I was going to explode. I needed to express what I was feeling, so I started humming along to the music and understood more deeply why I'm inhabiting a body on planet Earth. I have the knowledge, I have the clarity, I know other dimensions, but if I keep all of this inside me, I'll suffer, I'll explode, I'll go crazy.

I need to express myself, I need to share it with the world! And the world needs me to express myself, to shine, to be ALL that I Am, part of something much greater than sustaining the whims of a human identity.

Looking at the moon and feeling like I could hold it in my hand made me feel the entire universe within me. Therefore, my body was nothing more than an instrument for the divine will, a transparent vessel for the pure light of consciousness. A light that has the power to awaken and illuminate humanity, a light that has its inherent function, without me needing to do anything. In fact, it's better that I do nothing. As a human, as Liah, I have no power whatsoever, but when I let go of identity, I am one with the whole. And I serve it devoutly, humbly, naturally, without any intention.

This was certainly the most precious vision of the night for me.

I Am Here

Another thing I noticed while gazing at that silver moon was the difference between my pure consciousness and my consciousness altered by the effects of Ayahuasca. It was as if I could perceive reality from more than one perspective at the same time.

In difficult moments, I remember wanting to run, escape, disappear, but with full awareness of the “I Am”, I knew it was impossible. It's impossible to stop existing.

Even if my body died, I would still exist consciously.

I even felt the presence of Adamus Saint Germain, accompanied by a raven, telling me, "It's all your energy, there's nothing to fear." Not only was Adamus with me, but other non-physical friends also came to accompany me, like Tobias and Kuthumi, and of course, my Dragon.

The Dragon is a symbol of clarity for me; the Dragon represents absolute honesty, seeing what must be seen.

After so many wonderful visions, I surrendered to peaceful rest, in an energy of love and acceptance that increased when the guardians of the ceremony passed by with their strong presence and a brazier where amescla burned, perfuming the place and calming everyone.

Drowsily, I caressed my face and drifted off to sleep, remembering the words someone shared at the beginning of the ceremony: "After all, it's about loving yourself."

When I woke up, it was already daylight, and the strongest effects had passed again. The strongest wave had faded, leaving a subtle tranquility and joy.

Soon, everyone began to wake up, and only an hour after dawn did the musicians stop playing. I was truly impressed by their ability to play and sing all night, as they were a fundamental part of the experience.

The shaman then invited everyone to form a circle, and messages of wisdom were shared with everyone. I truly appreciated the messages about exploring multidimensionality, love, and putting an end to times of scarcity and lack.

Final Conclusions

At the end of the ceremony, I met my partner Lucas again. He didn't enjoy the ceremony at all because he had severe pain on the right side of his abdomen, which we discovered the next day was appendicitis that required surgery. In fact, I'm writing this from the hospital, while I give him all the necessary care after surgery.

But instead of questioning why a "misfortune" like appendicitis affected our lives, I am trusting in the flow of life and dancing with life, with a positive and attentive attitude to see what will blossom from this situation.

What matters is that something has changed within me. I feel encouraged to let go of old ways of acting, old worries, and above all, the need to control everything.

I don't know what will happen, I don't know what will change when I return to Caraíva, but I am simply present, and that is all.

I want to use this “final conclusions” space to summarize the visions and wisdom from that night.

All the visions are connected to my personal experiences from many years of conscious breathing and looking within.

First: "I Am One with All."

This is quite different from saying that we are all one. My direct experience has shown me that each being is Unique and Sovereign, that is, each being of light is its own light, its own consciousness, and essence. However, we interact in space-time and beyond, each with its own perception of reality and of others. When you perceive yourself as "One with Everything," you automatically realize that "Everything is Your Energy," that is, all reality you perceive, whether in this or other dimensions, is you, is your energy. Even the way you interact with other people, you perceive this through your consciousness and energy.

Second: "I Am a Bridge Between Dimensions"

Throughout human history, thousands of beings have been able to access other dimensions and remember their true nature and essence. Each being who has undergone this experience and committed to staying on the planet is a bridge between dimensions and is an essential piece in defining humanity's destiny. Being a bridge between worlds is experiencing magic every day, experiencing love every day, and being a living example that we are more than we thought we were.

Third Knowledge: "I Am Joy, No Matter What's Going On in My Human Experience." Feeling my body in pain and still smiling and dancing is going beyond the emotions and thoughts that transform "situations" into "problems." My essence is the pure joy of the spirit; I Am Joy.

Fourth Knowledge: I Am That I Am, free from the opinions of others and the need to please others. For me, this is still the most difficult to embody. But in essence, it is related to Sovereignty. I Am That I Am, no matter what anyone thinks of me. I don't need to, and shouldn't, diminish myself in an attempt to avoid discomfort, nor should I try to fit into spaces that don't serve me just to please or follow a norm. I feel the "I Am," and the "I Am" needs no explanation. It simply IS.

With that, I thank everyone who has followed this sharing thus far.

Note: This text was written in November 2024. My life has completely changed since then, and I will share it with you soon.

With love, Liah'ah.